Same Thing, Different Day

We go to school for 10 months out 12.

We obey our parents and our teachers without any hesitation.

We focus on things that won’t matter in the future.

We compete with our peers everyday unknowingly.

School teaches us that nothing’s more important than grades.

Some people simply don’t care about school.

Some people care to much.

There’s no in between.

Teachers expect us to fit in hours of homework into our busy schedules.

Parents expect us to go home and make the house spotless when we have homework and studying to worry about.

As students we are expected to balance home life and school life in so little hours.

At the end of the day, we go home and are relieved to be home, then realize we have hours of work to catch up on.

Same thing.

Different day.

24/7.

Same thing.

Different day.

The Death of a Great Man

In the essay “The Death of a Great Man,” I reveal the results people have in certain circumstances. I show the subtlety of the moment in ,we all just got together knowing what had happened. I show the emotional connection in the specific moments deserving of it.All through that i show that just depending on the situation you may get a different reaction, but in the bad times family will help you through it.Click this link to listen to the audio version

The summer of 2012 I would realize the truth of family truly being there for you when you need them the most, even if it would take something this tragic to happen. I do wish that it could’ve been taught in another way.

It may have started like a regular day of the week, but it wouldn’t end like one. I just remember the anticipation, stress, and nervousness when my parents called me to the kitchen. When they sat me down to tell me the news  I could just feel the moment. They may have said more words than what I could hear, but all I could here was three heart wrenching words, “your grandpa passed” those words would ring throughout my head for a gruesome two to four hours. Especially considering that he was planning on visiting the following week.

Those hours I spent in complete and utter solitary, or so I thought I would. Going into the third hour there was a subtle knock, followed by the slow opening of the wooden door, and lots of footsteps. All I could think was “Why are my cousins here?” I didn’t have the best history with them. Unlike the other days they’ve come over my door was unlocked.The simple thoughts ran into my mind” I can’t deal with them today,” “why of all the days,” ”hadn’t I been through enough already.” All the feelings in the room were put to a suspended rest. Not one word. Not a sound. But the next action would say all the words needed in that moment. We all just got together knowing what had happened. I think it hurt me worse, being an only child with no one to share my feelings in that moment. All I could hear in the huddle of tears, ”lets go somewhere and do something fun.” It may have felt a little too soon but I needed it. We went to places where we had visited the times grandpa had went to when he came to visit. It felt good going especially with my family besides me.

Doing all this I felt like I was saying my final farewells to him. By the end of the day it felt like I went on a emotional rollercoaster since in the morning I was happy, then mid day I was crushed, then afternoon I was weirded out, and then by the end of the night I was happy and relieved. In the end I could honestly feel that thing I had lost faith in-my family. Would be the thing carrying me through this and I don’t think any day no matter what happens can change my opinion on the words “family is there when you need them the most.”

 

 

The Fall

It was the day before my third grade year started. The Sunday before school. It was blistering hot and it was humid. I was with my family at the pool. While there was a lot of people at the pool, the pool wasn’t too packed. I kept doing flips into the pool and making everyone watch me. Since I was being cocky, I attempted a back flip. As I was in the air, I realized how bad of an idea this was. It felt like eternity until I hit the water. I landed it! Or so I thought.

As I came up for air, I saw my step dad swimming towards me. I was terrified, I couldn’t figure out why everyone was screaming. I looked down and saw the water was red. As I pieced it together my step dad reached me. He swooped me up and dragged me to the side. My mom then grabbed me and ran me to the car. Ryan hopped in the front seat and sped out of the parking lot. My mom was giving me encouraging words. While I faded in and out of consciousness, I didn’t remember much except driving very fast and going over curbs.

I had hit my head on the concrete and there was a huge gash that was spewing blood. My mom tried to put pressure on it but more and more blood came. My step dad raced traffic. We were all terrified. We pulled into the parking garage of the E.R. The last thing I remember was my step dad holding me and running inside.

 

Destined to Shatter

The day I was born, the day I thought that everything would go right, the day when I had this vision of my birth parents, the day I was rescued by my hero, the day where the tragedy starts, the day where I almost died, that day where I don’t want to remember anything at all. I don’t understand why these visions come back to me and haunt me my whole life. I just wish to do anything I can to take these memories out of my brain and throw them down a well. Deep down inside of me is a mark, and no it’s not birthmark or anything.. It’s a feeling that I get, a vision, a thump feeling and it reminds me of this horrible day. A part of me is missing and I need to find the missing pieces.

The day keeps going on and on and on and o-… I don’t think I should go on. Anyway the day goes on and everything keeps getting worse and I still don’t know how to find any evidence about myself and about this specific day. I sat there thinking and thinking, all of a sudden my Aunt Maggie comes in and asks me if I was okay.”Why would I be okay Aunt Maggie? I just don’t know why I am getting punished from the day I was born. I don’t understand why these visions come to haunt me.”Aunt Maggie replied, “Sweetheart, I wish I could change the past, but I can’t. I don’t know what to do. Just try to move on and if you can’t do that then just pretend.” Pretend… Pretend… Pretend… That word scares me. That word scares me because I can’t pretend, how could you pretend that all of this didn’t happen? Now I’m beginning to find out those missing pieces.

I sneaked into Aunt Maggie’s room while she was gone to get groceries and found my mother’s necklace, her birth certificate, and most of her belongings in a dusty old treasure chest. I started to walk towards the chest to look what was in there and I just teared up and that’s when I got that feeling again. I stared at the things for a while and all of a sudden I hear the car beep. I put the things back and wiped my tears away and sneaked out of Aunt Maggie’s room. As soon as Aunt Maggie opened the door I came to her and helped her out unpacking those groceries, she looked at me and didn’t even say a word. It took me a while to adjust to the silence, but I managed eventually and hoped that she doesn’t find out about me sneaking into her room without permission. Just wishing that the day would end already, but what happens next is my visions keep getting worse and worse as the day goes by and I just collapsed on the floor and almost lost myself there.

Life

I have a wonderful sister. She is the best sister anyone could ever have. My sister is always there for me no matter what, she is the best sister anyone could have. I can tell her anything and everything no matter how big or small. I am lucky to have her in my life because without her I don’t even think I would know how to write this entry.

It all started when my mom got pregnant with me…when she would go to the doctor pretty much every 5 minutes like every pregnant person is supposed to! Every time she went my sister went as well, and on one of these occasions the doctor noticed something on the back of my sister’s ear.

Now my mom has been knowing about this “thing” on the back of my sister’s ear for a while now and every doctor she went to just said “oh its nothing to worry about”… when in actuality it was something to worry about. Something VERY serious to worry about!

As the doctor examined the “thing” in the back of my sister’s ear, his face quickly changed from happy to “OH SO SERIOUS!” That instant the doctor asked my mom if she knew about this and my mom replied yes, she had also said that all the doctors she had been to told her that it was nothing to worry about. Later on after further examination the doctor told my mother that if my sister didn’t get surgery right away… that “thing” could quickly turn into cancer!

My mom told me this story. As she told me this story I quickly realized that if my mom hadn’t been pregnant with me and if I hadn’t been born this doctor would have never told my mom what the “thing” was and if my mom did ever find out, it would probably have been too late. I guess you could say I saved my sister’s life, which is why she is so important to me and why she is my best friend. I don’t know what I would do without her in my life.

 

 

I want…

When I was 7, I wanted so badly to be a princess. I wanted my dad to be the king of a secret kingdom somewhere in Africa. I wanted to own a castle with an indoor spa. I wanted my closet to be as big as a mall, and I wanted to have a royal dress maker. I wanted to have the biggest selection of tiaras in the world, glass slippers like Cinderella, and a ballgown with 10 million jewels. I think what I wanted most of all, was to have the power to make an impact on other lives. I wanted to be able to make decisions that would help people like my uncle and parents find jobs and pay for college. Although I wasn’t old enough to run for president and do that, I figured I could just be a princess instead.

Then when I was 12, I wanted to be an astronomer. I wanted to learn everything possible about the shape, movement, and composition of stars. I wanted to learn about how each and every planet in our solar system was discovered and I wanted to study theories about how they came to be. I wanted to study the possibility of there being another planet that can inhabit life. I became interested in this topic because of a space unit in science with my favorite science teacher who made a huge impact on my career choice.

Now I’m 15 and I want to graduate high school with honors. I want to make all A’s and be able to be a Texas Scholar. I want to go through medical training at UC Berkeley after I do my undergrad program at Duke University. I want to go into the field of pharmacy and become a pharmaceutical researcher. I want to study epidemics and their known treatments then hopefully help in finding an absolute cure to diseases like breast cancer.

I Gave Up

Why am I constantly compared to other people?

About how they’re smarter, or better, or why I’m not in those courses their taking, or how I need to be more like them, more responsible, with the better decisions they’re making.

I mean, what’s wrong with me? I’m not doing anything illegal.

Oh that’s right, I forgot. It’s not me you care about, it’s those other people.

I try and do everything right, so I can be good enough.

I go to school, play my sports, do my chores. What more do you want?

But it’s not me, it’s the other people, that you praise, show off, and flaunt.

But hey, don’t worry, like you said, parents are tough.

All I want is for you to be proud of me, however I’m not good enough.

So you’ve wondered why I gave up.

Why I’m doing my own things, with my own people, my own way.

You wonder why I’m so short with you now, no conversations. Just “okay”.

Why I don’t bother talking anymore, like we broke-up.

Well, as you did with me, I just gave up.